I'm taking the stream down for a few days. Will be back next week with a brand new schedule, if all goes to plan. Feel free to post some suggestions for new possible new themes.
Witchcraft '70 (1970) - Luigi Scattini
A mondo report on the occult from 1970, brought to you by the man behind "Sweden: Heaven and Hell"! While this one is quite ridiculous (not as silly as the aforementioned film mind you), and a lot of stuff is clearly staged as usual, I still think the general vibe of this one is great. Nonstop ceremonies, devil worship, strange cults and odd rites for about an hour and a half. Just up my alley!
The VHS-transfer I had available of this was of foul quality, so I'll probably have to rewatch this either when the Italian language version gets subtitles, or when someone makes a fandub using the much better looking TV-rip available. The Italian narration of these docus are usually far superior to the English ones in my experience anyways, so let's hope some subtitles turn up.
The VHS-transfer I had available of this was of foul quality, so I'll probably have to rewatch this either when the Italian language version gets subtitles, or when someone makes a fandub using the much better looking TV-rip available. The Italian narration of these docus are usually far superior to the English ones in my experience anyways, so let's hope some subtitles turn up.
The Killing of Satan (1983) - Efren C. Piñon
"The Prince of Magic" is fucking up shit in the Philippines and apparently Lando is the man that has to set him straight. You see, Lando gets all these crazy powers from his dead uncle and turns into somewhat of a Filipino jesus - Healing people by laying hands on them and shooting energy beams out of his hands. The film features: hand-beam duels, crazy-eye staredowns, snakes turning into naked weirdos, rapes, exploding chicks, stonewashed denim, mustaches, Satan, etc. Yey!
Seytan (1974) - Metin Erksan
The most tubular film you'll ever see. A Turkish shot-for-shot remake of "The Exorcist", only this one clearly is better than the original. Features lots of bed shaking, people standing around, lentil soup and great hairdos. Chainsmoking Turkish Clouseau saves the day! Yey!
The Unholy (1988) - Camilo Vila
Late 80s horror title about priests getting killed by a (sort of) hot demon babe. Decent premise (I guess) and features Ned "Squeel!" Beatty. Sadly, this film is utterly uninteresting tripe. I only kept watching it until the end, because I was hoping for some kind of awesome showdown accompanied by blaring 80s metal. Of course no such thing happened. What I did get to see, was some pretty mean rubber midgets, a long licking-montage and a dog-demon thingy. I guess that's pretty good, all things considered... 97 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Urgh.
Devil Girls (1985/86?) - Kadir Akgünlü
I love Turkish 80s productions, sketchy rapes and subtitles. This film has two out of three and I must admit this made it sort of hard to understand what was going on at times. It's mostly straight forward though. Chicks dressed in devil outfits practice martial arts and cardboard trident-fighting and stuff. While the VHS transfer quality leaves a lot to be desired, I think the girls might even be good-looking. The devil girls keep a couple of man-slaves and are sure to capture/kill more men as often as they can. In addition to the great story, this film also caters to my love for disco dancing and culminates in a well choreographed dance-number! Devil Girls is, in short, a truly compelling story about female empowerment and gender equality! Taste trident-justice, male chauvinist pigs.
Beyond the Door (1974) - Ovidio G. Assonitis
Supposedly "Rosemary's Baby" meets "The Exorcist", featuring Gabriele Lavia (from "Deep Red", "Inferno", "Zeder", etc.) or something. A baby needs to be born, there's some evil dolls, some vomiting, moving rocking chairs, whatever! If something had actually peaked my interest within the first hour I might have continued watching this one, I will need a lot of convincing if I am to finish this flick at some point. Awful.
Deception of a Generation (1980s) - Some religious nut
Scooby Doo, My Little Pony and He-Man = Satan. Christian twit discuss cartoons with this other christian twit for one and a half hour. Seriously, these dudes look like such tools. This is one of the most entertaining satanist panic tapes I've seen, seeing as the concept is so far out there. I can't keep myself from laughing when I see grown men argue about the "satanic tendencies" in kids' cartoons. Magical!
Black Roses (1988) - John Fasano
Another hairy metal/demon flick from John Fasano. Terrible band "Black Roses" are opening their tour in some small town, turns out they turn their listeners into rubberfaced demons. Shocking! Culminates in epic battle between English teacher and metaldorks. According to the VHS cover, "THE SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE FANTASTIC". Yeah, totally.
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare (1987) - John Fasano
Heavy metal dudes and chicks in Canada battle with Satan! All around silly, very 80s and has an incredibly sweaty Jon-Mikl Thor, wrestling with menacing starfish and Satan. The music is unbearable, as Jon-Mikl can't sing worth a damn. While the final showdown in this is amazing, I was expecting a bit more of this flick. Top stinker/a tad amusing.
Prince of Darkness (1987) - John Carpenter
Perhaps not the best film Carpenter ever made, but it's definitely the one I've seen the most times. While the concept of scientists trying to fight the prince of darkness might sound a bit quirky, it's really done quite well in this film. The mood and feel of this one is simply amazing.
Exorcism.avi
A recorded television show apparently put out by now-defunct Blackest Heart Media. It consists of three segments: demon-possessed fat chick vs. nuns, Bill O'Reilly vs. Satan and priest vs. Satan. While the show is pure garbage and not really that interesting in itself, the fact that this shit was aired on television not that long ago/sometime in the 90s, is sort of fascinating to me. This might of course be the result of me not being accustomed to the American school of television production something, but I sort of doubt it. This is proper poop.
Alucarda (1977) - Juan López Moctezuma
The Mexican possession classic "Alucarda" is still as great as the first time I saw it. I'm not sure if this makes a whole lot of sense, but "Alucarda" operates in the visually strange borderland between artsy and lowbrow, somewhat similar to Jesus Franco's visuals in "Vampyros Lesbos" or the works of Alejandro Jodorowsky. A remarkable film.
Evilspeak (1981) - Eric Weston
Social outcast Stanley Coopersmith (weirdo Clint Howard) uses computer to tap into demonic powers, "terror" ensues. This was one of the original video nasties, if I remember correctly, and to be honest I have no idea why. The film features some mad pigs, but it's not really the kind that usually go around corrupting the young. Not a personal favorite, but it definitely has its moments.
Satan's Blade (1984) - L. Scott Castillo Jr.
Robbers go too haunted cabin, falls victim to "the legend". Young couples go to haunted cabin, also falls victim to "the legend". The legend being a dude in a mask wielding a knife/SATAN'S BLADE. This one got the distinct look and sound of being shot in someone's home in their free time. Everything is amateurish in "Satan's Blade" - plot, acting, whatever. Interestingly, the dude who made this film, directed, produced, wrote the script and acted in it. How they managed to convince chicks to get naked for this flick is a mystery. All this being said, the atrocious acting in this makes it worthwhile! Grab some beers and you'll find this entertaining!
Escaping Satan's Web (1987) - Some religious nut
An interview of convicted murderer Sean Sellers on death row, conducted by some loony evangelist. Basically, Sellers has become a god-loving christian after having been put in jail, and it was Satan who drove him to kill. Actually, it's better than that - Dungeons and Dragons, heavy metal and horror movies made him kill. Expect the usual stuff from this satanist hysteria-tape. A tad more talky than usual, but still entertaining due to the ridiculous claims this is filled with.
Jaws of Satan (1981) - Bob Claver
Priest vs. Satan-possessed cobra with Fritz Weaver and a young Christina Applegate (she was a shitty actor as a kid too). This one features tons of dramatic/aimless strolling around the heath, an absurdly annoying soundtrack and not much else. A confirmation that animal-attack flicks (snake films in particular) are incredibly boring - even when Satan is involved. Why did I bother watching the entirety of this one?
The Eye of Satan (1992) - David Kent-Watson
This is some hypertrash right here, peeps! "The Eye of Satan" features sweaty and veiny beefcake Cliff Twemlow and has the cinematographic integrity of something filmed by a drunk kid with a cellphone camera. Watching this is like watching a random episode of some long running soap opera - one that deals with Satan, magic gems, illegal arms deals, panthers, rapes and Manchester. Has the veiniest sex scene in history. Amazing ending. Wow!
Note to self: watch "GBH" and "Tuxedo Warrior"
Superstition (1982) - James W. Roberson
All the Colors of the Dark (1972) - Sergio Martino
Edwige Fenech, Ivan Rassimov and Sergio Martino. Yum! A particularly trippy giallo of the supernatural kind, featuring a coven of hippies/devil worshippers and a very confused Fenech. This is the film that made me realize how menacing Rassimov can look in front of a camera and that Fenech is goddamn gorgeous. This one will probably be included in a future giallo program, as it's another personal favorite. It has a quite convoluted plot and is skillfully shot, with amazing Bava-like colour use. This one is sweet!
The Day of the Beast (1995) - Álex de la Iglesia
There's no doubt that "The Day of the Beast" belongs in the Hail Satan-program, in fact it was the first film I thought of when I put this together. Still, it stands out (among a few others) as a film of far higher quality than some of the other stuff in the program. "The Day of the Beast" is a dark comedy on the topic of the coming of Satan and the priest who sets out to stop him. This one doesn't really need a whole lot of introduction, it's just bloody great. A must-see for everyone who loves cinema!
Hellmaster (1992) - Douglas Schulze
An AIP flick featuring John Saxon? It can't possibly be that bad, right? It totally is! No one featured in "Hellmaster" could've acted their way out of a paper bag and the plot is laughable - something about a professor drugging his students/turning them into violent, ugly bastards. Lots of cliches, very generic, but also pretty silly and entertaining. Acceptable movie night material!
Hell's Bells 2 (2004) - Eric Holmberg
The "Sátántangó" of bad christian propaganda tapes!
Utterly ridiculous, absolutely shameless and completely without merit. This is a six and a half hour (!) long schlockumentary about how music is corrupting kids, put out by the good peeps of "The Apologetics Group". Apparently most music is made by devil-worshipers (Hail Satan!) and will without doubt turn you into some sort of delinquent. I can't really recommend this even for laughs, as it feels like an eternal introduction to some insultingly dumb docu that you'll never get to see. The length is extreme, but if you happen to be a fan of christian nutcase propaganda, you might end up having a bit of fun with this if you skip around in it. Watching this film is like being in a moron-simulator!
Satan Returns (1996) - Wai-Lun Lam
This is an odd one. While the idea of Donnie Yen vs. Satan might leave you expecting a non-stop thrill fest, this film is rather slow. It does have Donnie Yen kicking ass, but not as much as HK action fans would want (the ending is bonkers though). "Satan Returns" is a supernatural/serial killer thriller, that focuses on a dude killing chicks that might be the daughters of Satan. I quite like this one.
Theme: Hail Satan!
Satan lives on Torbovision! Possessions, demons, satanists, christian hysteria on VHS and then some. A fine mixture of ridiculous docus and awesome shit! Post some suggestions and tune in!
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Maximum Overdrive (1986) - Stephen King
The other car flick with a Sheen from '86. While Emilio Estevez definitely is the most charismatic of the two, "Maximum Overdrive" doesn't really compare all that well to "The Wraith". Sure it has mad trucks possessed by space aliens, but it seems like Stephen King had no idea what to do with the premise once it gets going. The film is off to a promising start - kids get squashed by steam rollers, soda can machines go bananas, cars turn on their owners and lawnmowers develop an appetite for human flesh. Though, after this you're left in a sort of limbo, asking yourself "now what?" - in a way the film never manages to escalate the situation. Still, I sort of like this one. I can't really ask for more, when a film presents me with a menacing goblin-truck of death. Okidoke!
The Wraith (1986) - Mike Marvin
A film that somehow did not become a smash hit in the cinemas back in 1986. While Charlie Sheen is a atrocious in this, the film basically sums up 80s aesthetics for me. The colours, clothing, music, everything. The plot consists of Charlie Sheen murdering his way back to life by means of automobile. While it could be said that he Sheen was made for playing the undead, I doubt there was much acting needed of his part. Sheen shows no emotion at all throughout the flick and acts like a grade A douchebag. Personal fave!
Convoy (1978) - Sam Peckinpah
When I was putting together the schedule for Road Rage-week I was looking forward to this flick right here and "Duel". While I'd never seen either of them before, I was having the highest expectations of "Duel". Turns out I was wrong, "Convoy" is clearly the superior of the two. Once again it's confirmed that there's no need to worry when you're in the hands of Peckinpah. Get ready for some feel good trucking, destruction and a great Borgnine. Yey!
Gone in 60 Seconds 2 (1989) - H. B. Halicki
The 33 minute chase scene from the film that was never finished, due to Halicki's untimely death. Looking at some of the stunts happening in this chase it's a wonder not more people died. While the experience is severely messed with by a god-awful placeholder soundtrack, some of the stuff towards the end of the chase is fucking nuts. The Slicer is amazing! Note to future car-flicks: please include some Slicer-like destruction. Interesting!
Duel (1971) - Steven Spielberg
It's like "Jaws", but with trucks instead of sharks. Seeing as this was made a few years before "Jaws", I assume "Jaws" is a bad rehash of this flick. Whether it's trucks or sharks, the concept is still pretty fucking boring.
The Junkman (1982) - H.B. Halicki
A film that wants to show you cars getting wrecked. That's basically all there is to it. There is a plot here involving assassins, planes, a James Dean festival and the shooting of "Gone in 60 Seconds", but mostly it's just cars crashing.
Rolling Vengeance (1987) - Steven Hilliard Stern
Big Joe Rosso and son are happy truckers, ready to truck together for the rest of their life, when tragedy in the form of Ned "like-a-pig" Beatty strikes. Ned's moron sons gets Joe Rosso's wife and daughters killed (truck to the face) and then continues to get off easy in court. Some bar brawls and truck driving later, puts Big Joe Rosso in the hospital. Good thing sod was working on a monster-(semi)truck of death in his shed. Turns out having said vehicle is useful when you're out for: ROLLING VENGEANCE. Also, features overly phallic drill on tunnel action. Yey!
Theme: Road Rage
Car chases, car crashes, car thefts, road rage, killer cars and truckers! Post some suggestions and tune in!
#torbovision
Rolf (1983) - Mario Siciliano
Mario Siciliano, director of the racist sleazefest Skin 'em Alive makes another entry into the mercenary genre. Somehow this ends up being more sleazy and equally racist. I'd dare say it's up there with Garrone's lurid productions when it comes to the sleaze-factor. Sweaty gangrapes, drugs, torture, traps, murders and so on. The scene where the baddest baddie shoots at kids being thrown through the air is nuts. This film also sports a genuinely awesome italocheese soundtrack by Fabio Frizzi ("Rolf! You burned out the love inside!"). The oddest bit in this, has to be the religious motive recurring throughout the film. Apparently Rolf is a modern day Jesus, drawing strength directly from god. Note: our title-character Rolf spends a lot of time crying in this film. The scene were he stumbles into and falls asleep in a ditch filled with leeches, is excellent. Beyond ridiculous, but still lacking severely in entertainment value. Lame!
Skin 'em Alive (1978) - Mario Siciliano
An utterly lurid entry into the mercenary/italo-action genre. Racism, rapes and murder is the usual fare in these flicks, but when there are no appealing characters in the film whatsoever, you start wondering what sort of audience this was made for originally. Siciliano's later film, Rolf, is dealing with a lot of the same stuff, but at least Rolf is laughably silly at times (leeches!). Skin 'em Alive is a sweaty, racist, perv flick and it totally makes sense that it was made in Italy. This one isn't a lot of fun (a bit fun though).
Tornado (1983) - Antonio Margheriti
A film that perfectly illustrates the problems of making a serious war-film on a shoestring budget, using z-grade actors and a terrible script. The stock footage helicopters in this one speaks volumes of the film. While it's not utterly bad, it's also not particularly interesting either. Margheriti has made some cool shit, but this is not one of them. I think the problem has to do with it being neither bad nor good enough to be worth seeing. Picks up a bit halfway, once the behind enemy lines/Cross of Iron-theme begins Also, features token bearded fatty Alan Collins. Meh!
Miami Golem (1985) - Alberto De Martino
Dumb as fuck Italian scifi-cheese! Plot involves a cell that turns into a goddamn vicious alien demon fetus with telekinetic powers. Also features: David Warbeck (of The Beyond), ghosts, Atlantis, UFOs, off-screen helicopter crashes and a boat chase. Watchable!
Sgt. Clarin: Bullet for your Head (1990) - Willie Dado
YES! Max Laurel is back as Sgt. Clarin! Clarin is a highly efficient beater-upper and gets recruited to the military after demonstrating his skills on some assholes in a bar. It turns out Clarin is just as good at putting down rebels (using swords, guns and explosives). For some reason assholes come flocking after poor Clarin throughout the whole movie, but he will have none of it! Indiscriminately killing everyone in his way, Clarin finds himself in an increasing amount of trouble. This flick has basically nonstop, quality action and is generally damn entertaining. Great final stand. Max Laurel is badass.
Hell Squad (1986) - Kenneth Hartford
Whiny son of American dignitary gets kidnapped by mad sheikh so that sheikh can force dad into giving him the formula for the "ultra neutron bomb". Dad hires moron to save son. Moron has ingenious plan of training idiotic, mediocre-looking Las Vegas showgirls as elite soldiers to rescue son. Even though most of the film is spent in the bathtub with the female "Hell Squad", the rescue mission succeeds. Ghastly!
Final Score (1986) - Arizal
Arizal + Chris Mitchum + Mike Abbott = Dirtbiking from hell! Kid gets shot and has to watch his mother getting raped to death. Dude straps rocket launchers and machine guns to his dirtbike and goes bananas. This masterpiece doesn't have a single dull second. This is a relic peeps!
Cannibal Mercenary (1983) - Hong Lu Wong
Yeah, the film were people get peed on by top notch freaks! You can't take any risks when meeting strangers, so you might as well pee on them to be safe. After all, they could be VC. War is hell, peeps. Actually the odd looking gent in this Thai actioner, is actually Sangthong Seesai, a fairly well known singer if I've understood wikipedia correctly. Actually, go check out some of his stuff below, it isn't bad at all. This film also has the gnarliest looking crack commando unit in jungle action film history. Note: the cannibals of the title, or "draculas" as they're called in the film, doesn't really enter the fray until an hour or so. Totally nuts, supercheap and very entertaining. Someone even took the time to make a composite of the various editions of this. Rad!
Phantom Soldiers (1987) - Teddy Page
A strange plot involving the US-Mexican border, Vietnam and masked dudes killing villagers. Tons of action in this one, but, for some reason, it's still unbelievably dull. The goodguys basically swear and shout continuously from start to end/whenever I turned it off, but somehow it does not really save the film. Meh!
Commander: The Last American Soldier (1988) - Ignazio Dolce
Commander AKA Roger, Craig or something along those lines, is living the dream life, his wife is pregnant, the Vietnamese refugee village he lives in is filled with happy, albeit traumatized, people and he gets to kill communists by dozens every day. Needless to say, the Russians are not particularly happy with Commander and after he steals some important tech stuff and blows up everything, they decide to hunt him down. Unfortunately for Commander, the Russian commandos are pretty good at what they do too, and within a day his village, wife and friends can be added to the list of things that is blown up in Commander: The Last American Soldier! Commander builds a supergun (see: a bunch of guns and rocketlaunchers and shit strapped together) and sets out to blow up the rest of the sets in the movie. This movie is awesome. There's basically some sort of amazing shit going down every few minutes and it doesn't seem as cheap as a lot of other jungle flicks. Non-stop hut destruction!
Rambu (1986) - Jopi Burnama
Rambu aka The Intruder! Indonesian Rambo Peter O'Brian vs. a raping Orson Welles-lookalike. In other words a great premise for a film. Every chick Rambu is in contact with ends up raped and/or murdered, and he sets out to fuck up shit in return. Drinking game: drink every time someone says Rambu. Pretty sweet!
Jungle Heat (1985) - Jobic Wong
Where should I even begin? The Vietnam war is not going too well for the Americans, and they are in desperate need for truck drivers! To fix this they hire a bunch of Vietnamese dudes without telling them about the inherent dangers of truck driving. They get some basic training in driving jeeps and knife fighting (glorious montage) and set out into the jungle. Of course shit hits the fan almost immediately, some dudes are killed by the Vietcong, before the truck drivers find themselves prisoners. Their captors are rather bad people and torture them to the point where people begin to literally jump out of their own skin. The flick Jungle Heat jumps a lot around though, and we have a love story, shady chaps playing the "ratgame" (what a game!), before a dude named Richard absolutely positively has to be rescued (it has barely been established that Richard is even a character up until this point). Of course, this movie ends with what these movies usually ends with - a bizarre logging accident. Fucking a!
Nam Angels (1989) - Cirio H. Santiago
In Nam Angels the US army recruits a band of burly hells angels bikers to steal some gold from this evil renegade bloke living in the jungles of Vietnam. Why the American bikers are hanging out in bars in Vietnam and brawling is never explained, neither is why these guys are suited for the job of infiltrating Vietcong territory. Anyways, it sort of works out. Dudes are killed and huts explode by the dozen. OK!
Dog Tags (1988) - Romano Scavolini
A quite savage entry into the Italian Vietnam war-productions of the 80s. A lot of these flicks has the look of something shot in some bushes right outside the city borders of Rome, something which probably often was the case. The jungle in Dog Tags actually seems like the real deal though, as it's riddled with traps, fierce Vietcong and other dangers. The plot revolves around a downed chopper filled with gold and the ragtag band of soldiers out to retrieve it. Quite decent!
Theme: Jungle Week
Alright, let's do this! Vietnam war, Margheriti, Filippino jungles and a general hatred for huts. All huts must be destroyed! Tune in for your daily dose of hut destruction! Mostly 80s action stuff, featuring jungles
#torbovision
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