Devil Curse (1988) - To Lo-Po

I have a weird feeling of deja vu. The smug face of Herman Kwan, a bunch of actors ive seen before and dudes going to thailand gettings cursed by scorned thai chicks. I'm positive that I've seen parts of this before, but perhaps I gave up on it the last time. I gues the deja vu could be explained by the fact that this movie features the exact same cast and was shot the same year as Devil Sorcery, as well as a plot we've seen a thousand times before... HK cop gets cursed by lusty thai babe, screwing with his life after he returns to HK. As the babe starts stabbing voodoo dolls, our shitty protagonist begins hallucinating at work, eating roosters at night and his hands turns werewolfy from time to time. All classic symptoms of a Devil Curse! The devil in question is some sort of dumb doll stuck in a bird cage. If only our moron protagonist had listened to the wisdom of Herman Kwan, this whole movie could have been avoided. It is a pretty basic black magic affair, but a rather dull one at that. Culminates with the classic scenario ofHerman Kwan vs. evil Thai wizard. Also, features krasue, Herman Kwan's daughter messing with horny ghost cops, weird doll shenanigans, mannequin love and some cop drama involving a lowlife called "Doggy". I generally agree with how some dude on hkmdb described Devil Curse - "Mostly alternates between dull and confusing, with minimal entertainment value." It could have been far worse though, and the final duel is sort of funky.

The Beauty's Evil Roses (1992) - Lam Wah-Chuen

As I've been rather busy the last couple of months, I haven't found the motivation or time to watch much much at all. Stuck offline in the mountains for a couple of days, I eventually ended up watching some stuff found on my laptop hard drive. It should come as no surprise that the hard drive was filled with nothing but sexual curse-flicks I had long forgotten about. Picking one at random, I ended up firing up The Beauty's Evil Roses - a movie about... stuff I guess. While I have called other flicks incoherent before, I am not joking when I say that this movie most likely hold the dubious honour of being the least coherent film I've ever watched. I am also not joking when I say that there is not a single second of plot WHATSOEVER during the first 30 minutes of the film. It opens with some sort of weird sex scene where some dude is turned into a zombie (possibly?). It comes complete with a sleazy soundtrack that skips and jumps in all the wrong spots, indicating that the scene has been quite extensively cut. I assume some bush and possibly even some penetration had been cut out. Following this scene, we are presented with a photoshoot where some chick wiggles her tits at us for some time, before we move on two yet two more sex and showerscenes! Of course, these also featured the bizarrely jumpy music.

Stuff beginning to resemble plot eventually starts appearing after half an hour or so, when our protagonist enters a boxing ring and triggers a bunch of bad rape flashbacks in his sparring partner. Apparently protagonist-cop dude's wife goes missing or something and a gang of brainwashed, lesbian, biker witches are behind it. To be honest I had no idea what was going on or what the movie was about after 40 minutes, but as the biker witches started ranting about evil gods and tentacle beasts and shit I kept watching. After some more weird rape flashbacks and sex scenes the movie FINALLY turns into a rather straight-forward affair about hex duels and buddy-cops. The rape scenes could indicate that this was a sequel to some other smutty piece of trash, but realizing that it was not going to make more sense, I did not pursue this train of thought any further. A chap called “great priest” shows up, does some fancy magics with the help of some chick's underwear and dies. In the end it is made clear that the only way to beat the “evilest mage in Thailand” is to storm her shitty shed apartment, with akimbo UZIs and murder everyone. The Beauty's Evil Roses is a total mess of a film, but I guess its worth watching due to stuff. Also, features trippy space duels, knife-to-vaginas, revolver blowjobs and bizarre tentacle-stuff and did I mention the hundred sex scenes?