Possessed II (1984) - David Lai

I reckon there's a reasonable chance David Lai got hooked on crack between the filming of the first film in the series and this thing right here. Similar to the first Possessed, the first third of Possessed II is a quite ordinary tale of possessions, black magic and spooky shit (mind you there's no continuity between the two films). A miserable couple and their kid move in to a flat haunted by a shitton of ghosts, and their marriage suffers even more as a result. The wife gets pregnant, has a ghost-related incident leading to miscarriage (a rather bloody such, taking place in a dirty stairwell) and the husband gets pissed off. What follows is a bunch of wacky incidents - perhaps most noteworthy is the one where their daughter turns into a levitating, green vampire and beats up a fat bully. Mr. Husband, however, does only realize that something is horribly wrong, after his wife starts showing him affection and cooks him dinner. Still, this is only what happens in the rather ordinary introduction of the film. His wife also starts luring random men to their doom by: (1) magically seducing them, (2) turning into a hairy dog-woman (with gyrating, hairy dog boobs) and (3) eating them. Furthermore, we find a comedic, botched exorcism attempt, involving copious amounts of feng shui, mahjong and dog-blood. 

This is of course where the film flips the tables on you, David Lai loses his shit and all conventions go down the drain. A bunch of western Hare Krishnas followers suddenly enter the fray, and explain that all of this is happening because a dude called Tim Burton dumped a chick (rather bluntly) ages ago. The  film is no longer about saving its shitty lead characters, but rather the newly introduced Tim Burton (who we get to see in a photo). The Hare Krishnas came prepared and brought a shitload of high tech computers, tazer-traps, magic needles and a Ganesha-truck. The Ganesha-truck has a container on the back - complete with fire-breathing statue of Ganesha inside - and fulfils its role as baby-corpse incinerator really well. At a certain point, everything just explodes and the film ends. Of course, this is really just a fraction of what happens in Possessed II... It goes without saying that the drugs flowing through Hong Kong in the 80s was great - the same goes for the movie.

Bewitched (1981) - Kuei Chih-Hung

A man kills his young daughter by driving a nine-inch spike into her skull. The killer claims he is innocent, seeing as he was recently cursed by a good-looking Thai lady. The curse stemming from the fact that he mistook a typist for a hooker on vacation. The judge will have none of it though, and quickly sentences him to death. To fulfil the dying wish of the killer, a detective heads to Thailand to lift the curse. What follows is an amazing display of various spells, how they are cast and how they work. Expect to see fetus- and corpse-juice aplenty, worms being eaten, levitating skulls, people exploding and lemons! Considering the anti-magic stance of the judge in the beginning of the film, you could be lead to believe that the moral of the story is that magic is real. However that is not the case. Before the film's final corpse is done exploding, explanatory text pops up stating that "the moral of this story is to admonish people against casual sex." Good to know.

Also, check out the sequel, Boxer's Omen, as both flicks are amazing.

Nightmare in a Damaged Brain (1981) - Romano Scavolini

One of the more well-known nasties for some reason, and one of the first I saw myself. It's fame or infamy is not deserved though, as this film is badly paced and not really very entertaining. I think I fell asleep the first time I saw this. Romano Scavolini is not really widely known for any other productions than this, but his "Dog Tags" has been mentioned, screened and enjoyed here earlier.

Devil Fetus (1983) - Hung-Chuen Lau

In "Devil Fetus" we meet a chick that buys a jade vase that is supposed to make your deepest wishes come true. Apparently her wish was to be impregnated by a slimy white-haired demon, and this happens the very same evening! The devil-fetus is of course a mean bastard, and people begin dropping dead around it right away. Nicely paced and pretty wacky HK black magic flick. You don't really see the devil fetus much, but it is definitely there. Protip: Keep your eagle blood ready! Yay!

Chinese Magic (1983)

Taiwanese magic film! "Chinese Magic" consists more or less of nonstop magic, special effects and awesome sound effects. I thoroughly enjoyed this one, but I only have a basic idea of what actually happened in it as the copy I was watching had the subtitles cropped out during most of the film. Hopefully a copy in better shape appears of "Chinese Magic" someday, because it definitely deserves it. Talking frogs, fighting paper men, chest-bursting babies, curses, laser beams, virgin blood, menstruation jars! Great without subs and there is even a sequel!

The Orphan (1979) - John Ballard

"The Orphan" is a shitty excuse for a film that basically drags on for what feels like an eternity. People you don't care about talk to other people you don't care about about stuff you don't care about. The only thing horrifying about this film is how it manages to stay utterly uninteresting for nearly two hours. Seriously, NOTHING is happening and watching it feels like going in circles. People who claim this film has something going for it are morons. If I had a time-machine, I'd use it to go back in time and kill John Ballard before he could make this painfully dull celluloid stain.

The Unborn (1991) - Rodman Flender

Ordinary babies suck, but in-vitro babies are evil! Also, don't trust doctors, technology or progress. All of those things are bad according to this flick. Moms going mental, explodo births, backyard abortions, evil doctors, vicious rubber babies and Kathy Griffin getting clobbered to death! Not that bad, but too slow for a movie night. The baby is awesome once it enters the fray towards the end.

Baby Blood (1990) - Alain Robak

Primal demon from Africa enters abused circus chick and takes control over her pregnancy. Her new demon baby needs human blood asap! I vaguely remember being scared shitless by this when I was younger. While this film is a pretty bloody affair, it's actually more of a comedy than a horror film. "Baby Blood" is a neat little film that somehow manages to remind me of both "Braindead" and "Possession". 

The Pit (1981) - Lew Lehman

A messed up kid befriends a perverted teddybear and starts raising a bunch of trolls in a pit behind his house. Lots of pervy oddness the first half, reasonable amounts of troll-feeding the second half. This is amazing! 

The Rape After (1986) - Meng Hua Ho

Strange HK black magic flick. Peeps get raped by a cursed demon statue filled with the ashes of a dead baby. Demon baby rips off the head of a doctor, poopdemon drowns a monk in his own poo, shady abortions out of nowhere, a dude vomits frogs, ears gets ripped off, the undead shamble around, dude gets killed by burning birds, a chick chops off her own fingers, plants a cleaver in her own head and pours boiling oil on herself etc. HK has got to be a total freak zone... While some truly bizarre stuff happens in "The Rape After", the pacing is a bit off and leaves you bewildered. Yay?

Progeny (1998) - Brian Yuzna

Mid-coital abduction means alien baby! The inhabitants of the space hole are at it again, tentacle-raping and probing innocent chicks. Even though the baby most definitely is a tentacled beast, Sherry figures it's a great idea to keep it and care for it. Obviously a bad choice, seeing as alien babies truly are dicks. Sherry could learn a thing or two from watching "Miami Golem". There is some plot shit going on about losing time due to aliens, I definitely lost about 90 mins due to "Progeny".

(00:14:03) splittter: that was piss poor
(00:14:14) dresden: piss would look down on that film
(00:14:16) torb: fuck you, brian yuzna
(00:14:30) theNomad: fuck you with an alien tentacle

Demon Murder Case (1983) - William Hale

Kevin Bacon vs. possessed brat! Young Brian is being a bit of a dickhead, turns out he's possessed by a ton of demons. He trashes around from time to time, levitates a bit, gets exorcised and mocks god. Pretty shocking. Kevin Bacon is mostly getting his ass kicked by a kid in this one, at least until he enters stab-mode. Unbearably mediocre. 

Note: Image quality from hell!

Gakidama (1985) - Masayoshi Sukita

A ghost-larva (funny, seeing as "larva" is latin for "ghost") enters the ear of a reporter and impregnates him. After going on a nonstop eating-binge the reporter gives birth to a tiny, lazy-eyed ghoul/gakidama. Oh, yeah and it exits through his mouth in quite messy fashion. The reporter then gets obsessed with finding and eating the gakidama himself... While the demon looks rubbery and silly, this flick has a pretty cool eerie vibe to it. Bonus: radical music during the end credits. Neat.

The Seventh Curse (1986) - Ngai Choi Lam

Haha, where to begin? "The Seventh Curse" is an off the hook adventure film starring Chow Yun-Fat and an incredibly annoying Maggie Cheung. A sort of badass cop gets cursed by savages in Thailand worshiping a blood drinking kung fu-skeleton, and the cop has to sort his shit out. Nonstop action and madness ensues. 100 kids are dropped in a meat grinder by an evil sorcerer to create a flying demon fetus, lots of martial arts, police raids, a giant Buddha head rolling after peeps with fountains of blood coming out of its eyes, insane stunts (I'm sure they killed some stuntmen with that car), nudity, gunfights. It all makes sense once you realize this was made by the director of "Story of Ricky". Double-yay! Also, Chow Yun-Fat with a rocket launcher is far more effective than the exorcist ever was.

Theme: Kids Are Dicks!

Demon fetuses, wicked babies, exploding births, killer kids!
The conclusion is that kids suck enough to have tons of films made about the subject.

#torbovision